Approaching my Ending

 

23 July 2021

Approaching my Ending

Again, that word ‘ending’ and the fear that it brings to me:

I think ‘ending’, I write ‘ending’ and I feel the darkness descend.

And yet, life is but a series of endings, and will always be so

Why should I so fear my final ending as a horror I cannot transcend?


I want to believe that our world was created as a place of fun and joy,

Where we can explore our curiosity and creativity as we joyfully grow

In appreciation and connection to the beauty and complexity of life itself.

With my end nearing, is it time be honest and open my eyes to life as a place of woe?


I find it impossible to think of endings as anything to do with fun and play,

While my fear of endings destroys the curiosity and creativity for which I was made.

How can I have fun and play if my mind always focuses on a sad ending:

A time of darkness, loss, loneliness, and nothingness when memories all fade.


Within this fear I begin to realise that we are all totally separate and alone,

Each with our own truths that frighten and confuse others and push them away.

Our separate truths leave us with nothing in common to hang our dreams on,

Let alone to be creative, and curious together, or to have fun and play.


Even if there were a path out of our separate, misunderstood, and isolated mess,

It can only lead to an even slower, more painful, and more troubled fate,

As we reach the limits of man’s stupidity, and our greed destroys our earth

We let our house of cards collapse faster, and continue to deny our perilous state.


Then why do I keep living as my final ending rapidly draws near

I am confused, beaten and defeated as what is beautiful deteriorates and dies,

Can there be any worthwhile meaning in these insane remaining days

Can any good come from the pain and sorrow that will soon arise?


How do I find the strength to truly live to the end,

How can I focus on laughter, joy, play and fun instead of fear and tears?

How can I learn to look at the future with awe and wonder at our amazing world

Even if the journey may be difficult, and short – probably not even years?


The answer is simple – just trust and cherish my truth of who I am,

And value and respect the wonder and mystery of it all.

There is no need to deny who I am and struggle to be what I am not,

In our short time left, it is time to celebrate with fun and play, and have a ball.

‘

For even as the world falls apart, unhappy, insane and in fear

There is always space and the real need for joy, wonder and awe

At the privilege of living, and our amazing journey together through all of creation

With a hallelujah filled with gratitude until it is time to answer God’s call.















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